Riley
by Unknown76
Summary: It was one night. I was drawn to him. I didn't know that he would be a drug, one that I couldn't resist.
1. Prologue

I stared at him. He stared at me with his ice cold blue eyes, and one thing was clear. He wanted me as I much as I wanted him. His face was beautiful, chiseled like a statue in a museum. His sandy blonde hair sat in a mess on the top of his head, and I wanted to run my fingers through it. Hell, there wasn't a part of his body that I didn't want to touch. I literally ached watching him across the room. I stood up and smiled. Maybe if I left, he would follow.

I wasn't that girl. I wasn't the girl that just saw a man, and took off her clothes. But the idea of him, the sheer thought of the pleasure that he could bring me made my body spasm with the excitement. I knew what I had to do. I was drawn to him.

I walked towards him. I had to in order to get to the door. I adjusted my dress, and for once in my life was thankful that Rosalie had talked me into wearing it. I was close. My heart started to beat faster.

I purposely took a path so that I would have to walk right past him. I was with in five steps, four, three, two... his hand reached out and grabbed mine.

"Leaving so soon," he asked.

"Do you want to come with," I asked.

Never in my life had I been so bold.

He smiled. He stood up and threw a twenty dollar bill on the table. Neither one of us exchanged a word until we walked out the door.

He turned to look at me. I opened my mouth, he put his fingers to my lips. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "There is no need for pleasantries, we both know what we want,"

My breathing was becoming iratic. There was a need, an overwhelming need to have him close to me. I wanted to feel the heat of his skin on mine. He removed his finger from my lips and replaced it with the softness of his lips. They tasted of vanilla, his breathe of beer. I closed my eyes as his tounge parted my lips. He wrapped his arms around my waste, pulling me into him. There was no room to move. Not that I wanted to.

"Your place or mine," I as he pulled away.

"My truck is right over there," he replied, pointing. I didnt pay attention to where he was pointing, just smiled as he held me tight. We walked to his truck, my hand nestled in his front pocket. I felt the heat, the want that was coming from this body.

I knew what was coming from mine.

He opened the passenger side door, allowing me to climb in. As I reached over to grab the seat belt, I felt his hand sliding its way up my dress. I looked at him, reaching my mouth forward to meet his mouth again. I knew I was playing a dangerous game.

"Whats your name," he asked me as I pulled away.

"Jane," I replied. I wasn't about to give him my real name.

"I'm Riley," he said. His hand touching me in places that hadn't been touched in what seemed like forever.

I didn't care. I admit it. I just wanted to be with him, my body so close to his, that there was no room for even air inbetween.

"Riley," I whispered, "Lets go. As you said no need for pleasantries."

I didn't care if I would hate myself in the morning.


	2. He stared at me

He looked at me. I closed my eyes, hoping that somehow it would shield me from his stare, and I wouldnt regret what I had just done. How could I? The memories that replaying in my mind gave me that answer. My body seemed to react to his touch, every cell of my being wondering, what it would take for the two of us to become one.

He continued to look at me.

"Closing your eyes to me doesn't make me go away. I am still going to be right here when you open them," he whispered before he began to suck on my earlobe. I let out an involuntary sigh and pulled away.

"Riley, I have to go," I sighed.

His hand found its way across my stomach and in one single motion pulled me ontop of him. It was skin to skin, nothing seperated us. I felt his leg wrap around me, pulling me and holding me close, as if letting me go was the one thing that he didnt want to do.

"You like the way, I feel, your body responds to me. Do you really want me to let you walk away?"

I shivered. No, I didnt want him to let me go.

His mouth sought mine out, asking me with just the slight flicker of his tounge to allow him to taste the sweetness of my breathe again. I felt my body respond, my knees buckle, even though I wasnt standing on them. My body felt weak, I had no more control.

He rolled me over and nuzzled his lips into my neck.

"I want you so badly," I involuntarily let out. My breathing was iratic, my muscles spasmed into his body. I wrapped my legs around him, pushing his body down onto mine, and with one swift movement invited him into my body. He was meant to he there.

My voice elevated to level that I had never thought I could reach, as he proved with every movement that he was supposed to be there. I tried to muffle the involuntary sounds that we coming from me, but it was no use. I couldn't hide the fact that my body wanted to scream out, to thank him for finding a way to gently kiss the parts that had never been touched.

"Let me hear you, tell me how much you love the way we feel together," he said.

With that he leaned forward and kissed the base of my neck.

I couldnt hide the satisfaction I was feeling anymore. My neck popped back, my body arched, and I cried.

He rolled off of me, and laid beside me. I instinctively found my way next to him. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm normally not this girl," I said.

He laughed. I laid my head on his chest.

"I didn't think you were," he replied. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared at me, "There was just something about you that called to me."

I smiled. The reality was something about him had called to me. I didn't know how to leave that bar without leaving with him. I didn't know how to feel without feeling him. I didn't know how to move. What had happened? I didn't understand. Four hours ago, I was content on being free. I was content on living my life. I was content until I saw a man that I was magnetically attached to.

"I have to go," my voice forced out. It came from nowhere, but rang louder than a church bell through the room.

I moved from his grasp, and tossed my legs over the side of the bed. I looked back at him and said, "I can't. It's not the time for me to do this."

He reached out for me and sighed as I moved from his grasp. I gathered my clothes from the floor, sliding each piece on, hoping there would be a way for me to escape and break the addiction that my body was instinctively developing.

"I don't even know your name," he said, "Can you atleast give me that?"

"It's not important," I sighed.

I slipped my feet into my shoes, grabbed my purse and headed for the door.

I didnt get to far before I realized one important fact. He had driven and my car was back at the bar.

I turned to see him standing behind me, keys in hand.

"If you want a ride, I get a name," he said.

I went to open my mouth, to deliver a fake name. He placed his finger to my lips to shush me.

"I'll take an ID," he laughed, "I'd like to know your real name."

I laughed. But I had no choice, so I handed him my wallet. He opened it and stared at my ID.

"Jane, your name is Jane," he laughed.

"I don't pretend to understand why that is funny," I retorted.

"Well," he said placing my wallet back into my hands, "It's funny because if you had told me that your name was Jane, I would have never believed you."

"Can we go?"

I turned and walked out the door, hoping that he would follow. Instead he positioned himself in the doorway. Once again, he looked at me.

He was beautiful, I would admit that. This just wasn't the right time.

"Look Riley, lets just be frank. We had sex. It doesn't mean anything, its not like I am going to be beating down your door, waiting and thinking that this is some sort of relationship. I get it. I embraced my inner horror. Thats my issue, not yours."

What was with the defensive me? I didn't know. I didn't know what was happening. It was a one night stand. Right, I kept repeating to myself.

I looked down at him. He had that thing... that V thing. You know that thing that seemed to be an arrow pointing to parts unknown. I sighed. I had to leave.

"Never mind," I snapped, "I will take a cab. It was nice knowing you."

I turned around and left. There were tears as I walked out the door. This was what it was like to feel alive, and that scared me. I walked down the stairs and stood by his truck. I thought he would follow, I thought he wouldn't let me go. I waited, until I looked up and saw him staring at me. I sighed and turned around to leave. It was a long walk home.


	3. One Year Later

I won't ever forget that phone call. I won't ever forget the moment that changed my life. I don't pretend that this life is easy, that even for a moment the road that we all chose to travel isn't one with hills and mountians that can take you down a path you had never intended to follow. I would like to say that this isn't my fault, that there is nothing in any of this that I asked for. The reality is, every choice we make leads to a consequence. If I could figure out what decision I made, what led to that phone call. If I could have changed that decision, I would have found a time machine and gone back, hoping for a moment... well, it doesnt matter because regardless, that phone call still happened, and my life changed.

I can close my eyes and hear the words that were whispered, the words that even the person calling had trouble choking out. I can hear their tone change, the fear in their voice. I could hear the hesitation in their voice, the fear of what they were going to do to me. Every syllable of every word was dragged out. It seemed to the point that it was all piercing sounds, everyone dragging out and stabbing me in the heart.

I set the phone down for a second, and then picked it back up to listen to the words again. I wondered, if even if for a second. If even for one second not acknowledging the words that were being uttered would change the reality of everything. I pressed the red button and ended the phone call. I didnt want to utter the words out loud.

Deep breaths didn't calm the beathing of my heart. I looked around the room and fought back tears. I wanted to scream, but screaming wouldn't change anything. Nothing would change anything. I watched the room spin round and round, and I fought to find my equilibrium. I slid down the wall, found the coldness of the ground to be comforting, and curled up in a ball. Tears overwhelmed my heart. In all honesty, no matter how dramatic it sounds, I felt my heart stop beating. I wanted to just stay in that moment, to keep myself there. Death seemed to be an appetizer to happiness, however morbid that would sound.

I closed my eyes and I remembered, not the phone call, but the way past. The way that my life had changed in a moment... the moment that led to this moment. The moment where I wondered what had made me think that any of this could be possible. I needed to know my place, and I needed to stay within that space. I kept venturing out of that space, and it hadn't brought any good to my life.

"Are you awake," I heard someone whispering as they shook me ever so softly. I didn't want to open my eyes. Ignoring the world that surrounded me, staying in the comfort of the place where I felt like I was gone, seemed to be more comforting to me than opening my eyes. I wanted to stay there.

" Jane... are you awake Jane or do I need to call 911?"

I opened my eyes to see Jacob crouched beside me. He reached his hand out and brushed my blonde hair from my eyes. I smiled at him and closed my eyes again, taking in the softness of his touch.

"I don't feel so well Jake, I really just don't feel well," I mumbled.

His hands scooped me up like I was a rag doll. I fell into his body and the comfort of his grasp. My head leaned into his chest, hearing the beating of his heart as though it was screaming out to me. I smiled and allowed myself to just feel comfortable in his grasp.

"Jake," I whispered, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to too... I really didn't mean to..."

"What are you talking about Jane?"

"Ri..."

I couldn't finish the words, I just closed my eyes and fell to sleep.

I loved Jacob. I did. We had been together since I could remember, and knowing a choice that I made would affect all that, scared me. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to watch him leave.

He would. He would leave.

There hadn't been many days that had passed where my mind hadn't drifted to another place though. There hadn't been many times where I hadn't closed my eyes and felt the softness of is touch. I could see his sandy blonde hair and his eyes... and no matter what happened, I couldn't bring myself to regret what happened. I just regretted walking away.

I had wanted him to follow me. I had wanted him to chase me. I waited on the corner for close to three hours, right around the corner from his apartment waiting for him to come and grab me. I wanted Riley to find me, to tell me that it was more than just sex. To tell me that there had been something that he felt too. I wanted him to reach out to me and tell me that it was going to be something more. I wanted him to calm my fears.

He didn't. He let me leave.

I couldn't forget him. I had tried. I had thrown my heart and soul into Jacob. Every bit of my being wrapped around what he needed and wanted. Every moment was about the love that him and I shared. Intermixxed with those moments was the love that we felt for Angela.

Angela... the love that you could feel for another human being. Especially a little girl that had come from me.

Until today, I had believed Angela was his. Jacob loved that little girl with every fiber of his being.

I could remember the night we brought her home. She was dressed in this pink sleeper and across her little bottom it said daddy's little girl. He laid her in the crib and stood over her and stared. He watched her sleep. He didn't move from the side of her crib. He watched her breathing.

She woke up and I heard the silence of her cry through the monitor. Jacob had tried to turn it off, but I could still hear her stir. He picked her up and started to sing to her. I listened as he walked down the stairs and got her a bottle. I tip toed out of our bed and stood at the top of the stairs listening to him talk to her.

"Daddy never thought you would be here, but I have dreamed about you little one, I had dreamed about you," he said ever so softly.

I knew at that moment that I could never tell him the truth. The truth would never fix the situation, it would just tear him apart, and I couldn't do that. I couldn't break him. There was a chance that she was his, and I knew that. So I made a choice at that moment to not ever change his dreams, unless I absolutely had to.

He laid me on the couch and rested my head on his lap. He continued to brush my hair out of my face. I heard the game suddenly come on the tv. I just decided to stay where I was. How was I going to tell him that the life that he thought he had was going to have... well quite frankly it just wasn't.

That phone call, well, it delivered me that news. I needed to go find Riley. He deserved to know. He deserved to know that he had a little girl.


	4. Wasn't Hard to Find

I left. I was good at that. I knew it, though Jacob never had. In all the time that we had been together, he had never seen the side of me that needed to run. He'd never seen the side of me that couldn't deal, and that just escaped, because it was what I needed to do.

I stood in the doorway watching him sleep. His perfect body peeking out from under the sheets. His eyes closed, but a smile took over his face. I wondered if he was dreaming of me.

I turned and walked away. Jessica was asleep on the couch. I scooped her up in my arms. The bags were already placed in the car. I was ready to go.

I had to be thankful for facebook, because I had found Riley. He was still living in the same town. I didn't know if it was the same address, but atleast I had a place to start. I had packed us both a bag and sat down and scribbled Jacob a note. I told him that I was going to visit my mother, that I needed to think, and I would call him later. He would be angry. I knew that. I just knew that if he looked at me he would be able to tell I was lying. I couldn't let him see that in me.

I had put the note on my pillow. He hadn't stirred when I got out of bed. I wished he had. I wished he had woken up and tried to stop me. I wished that he had told me that I had to stay. But he didn't.

I slid Jessica into her car seat. She opened her eyes and stared at me. I kissed her forehead and told her to go back to sleep.

"Daddy," she said softly.

"Daddy's not coming with," I replied, "Now go back to sleep."

She didn't protest. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and headed back to sleep. I started the car and headed east.

I wished that I had never found out. I wished that I had never known the truth, because if I hadn't, then well, I wouldn't feel like this.

I loved Jacob. I will continue to tell you that until I am blue in the face. But there isn't anything that will ever make me regret Riley. The way he moved, the way I felt with him, the way I wanted to continue to feel. I didn't want to admit it, but there was a part of me that loved Riley as well. I know, I know, it was a short time that we were together. One night. But Riley gave me my heart. I don't know how to explain it. It just was what it was.

Four hours later we pulled into the gas station. Jessica had just woken up and was asking for donuts. Normally I would have said no, but today, I wasn't going to deny her anything. I changed her diaper, washed my hands in the bathroom, and got her donuts.

She was safely strapped into her car seat when Jacob called. I felt my heart in my throat, but knew I had to answer. I could hear his tears.

"Baby, where are you, what's wrong," he cried. I felt as if I was being stabbed in the heart. I sighed.

"I just needed to get away," I responded.

"So you take my child and leave? Jane, what happened, please, tell me. I'll fix it. I love you," he continues.

"There is nothing to fix. Its not you, it's me. I am sorry. Please Jacob, I love you."

He hangs up the phone. I feel worse. I thought I was going to puke. What was I doing? I could turn around and head home and work everything out. I looked back and saw Jessica enjoying her donuts and laughing. She loved Jacob, he was her father. He was all she knew. I didnt have the right to take that away.

Yet, there was so much that I knew that I needed to know for myself. I wanted to be with Riley. I wanted to know if he wanted to know Jessica and that part of his life. I wanted to know if he had forgotten me.

How could I do this to Jacob?

I continued to drive. I put on the wiggles CD, and laughed as we sang along. Jessica was excited. My mother would be happy to see us too.

When we pulled into my mothers house an hour later, she was standing on the front porch. She was pacing back and forth on the phone. I couldn't even imagine who she was talking too. I saw her hang up the phone and walk over to the car.

"Jane, what were you thinking, I have been worried. Jacob called. He's worried sick," she screamed.

"Mom, not in front of Jessica."

She scooped Jessica out of the car. I watched my mother walk towards the front door and sighed. It was truly now or never.

I leaned against the steering wheel and sighed. I knew that this would be another thing that she would seize the opprotunity to punish me for, but this would be an opprotunity that I would never have again. I leaned my head out of the window and said, "Mom, I will be right back. I need to go take care of something."

I heard her yelling my name as I drove off.

I don't what came over me, none of this was like me. If it wasn't for Jessica, I would have never left. I would have stayed in my happy home life with Jacob. I would have let him hold me and love me, and Riley would have stayed where he was, in my past.

I was on autopilot. I didn't notice the road that I was following or the turns I made. I didn't notice anything. I had Jordin Sparks playing as loud as possible and sang along to the music. I didn't notice where I was, until I pulled into the apartment complex that I had walked out of all those years prior.

I parked in front of what was his building. I stared at the stairs that I had run down in a dramatic fit of need. I didn't even notice I was crying. I didn't notice the people walking past, the cars coming in and out; I didn't notice the world around me.

I didn't notice someone walking up to my car. I didn't notice them try to get my attention. I did notice when they knocked on my window. I jumped up and stared into the eyes that I would never be able to forget.

Riley.


End file.
